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fearful_shadows
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Name: Shannon
Country: United States
Metro: Lake Charles
Birthday: 3/11/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Hanging out, meeting people, reading, bowling, drawing, games, tv, internet, sleeping, going to the boardwalk,movies, beach, and just having fun.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Business
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  fearfulshadows86
MSN: mellona@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  fearfulshadows86
Member Since:
5/30/2005
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| 1. I'm not really a nice person.
2. I hate talking on the phone, but sometimes I yearn for someone or anyone to call.
3. I'm spoilt even though my family is very low class, they have spoilt me with love.
4. I don't understand football but I love to watch it.
5. I'd rather buy things for others than for myself.
6.I don't like guys paying for anything esp. on a date, but sometimes I don't have a choice.
7.I'm a very jealous person.
8. I'm bipolar and I tend to get mad very easily but I dont always let it show.
9. I hate talking to guys who are only interested in one thing.
10.
I don't want a guy who can buy me the world, I want a guy who I can love and trust and they love and trust me back.
11. I'm softhearted and it don't take much for me to cry.
12. I'd rather you tell me something in the beginning than to wait a month or so then tell me.
13. I was recently in a bad relationship, that changed me quite a bit. Sometimes I'm harsh to guys even when I'm not trying to.
14. If I hurt someone it's usually on accident and I regret it almost immediately.
15. I dropped out of college because I hate school, even though I plan on doing the online college courses next year.
16. I hate when people lie to me and hide things from me.
17. I want a daughter someday, but I'm scared I'll be a bad parent.
18. I have used drugs and sometimes I still wish I was on them.
19. I hate storms, but sometimes they're so calming.
20. I find sunsets and sunrises on the beach beautiful.
21. I want to move back to Orange Beach, Al to live on the beach again.
22. I'm scared of everything and I'm very paranoid.
23. I love cuddling up to someone and watching a good movie.
24. I'm only photogenic when it comes to my face.
25.I am very self conscious.
26. I've always wanted to be a plus-sized model.
27. I think I'm beautiful and people think I'm self centered.
28. I think I'm a boring person.
29. I have no talents.
30. My eyes change colors, normally they are blue when I'm happy, green when playful, and brown when physically sick.
31. I always feel that people don't like me, esp. my friends.
32. I'm not funny and I don't get a lot of jokes.
33. If someone buys me something I cherish it even if we aren't friends or don't have contact anymore.
34. I love reading, esp books by Christine Feehan.
35. I want to get married by the age of 25.
36. I'm still a child at heart-cute,adorable, and fragile.
37. My favorite colors are green and black.
38. I hate the color orange.
39. I have every harry potter movie and book, plus i have the uno cards.
40. No matter how down and depressed i am, if I see someone else unhappy I usually try to cheer them up.
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| Well it has been a long time since I've written in
xanga. The past 7 months has been really hell on me. Since most people
have abandoned xanga then it's ok to right my feelings on here
somewhat. In April I started dating this guy, we got along great he
seemed so perfect. Well in July we moved to Alabama and thats when the
abuse started. He would get mad for no reason and hit me. It didnt
happen too often but it happened often enough where I should have left
him, but i had no where to go and no way to do it, plus I didnt want my
family to find out. None of my family nor my friends liked him, I
thought they were all just jealous cause I was happy. How wrong I
was....
He finally broke up with me in September, but told
me that I could stay at the condo with him until he found a new
girlfriend and moved out. Well at the beginning of October that
happened. We had an agreement that I would keep the condo and he would
leave me alone. We didnt really want to be friends anymore cause we
fought so much. We fought even more after we broke up. At first I
thought I wanted him back, but then through some help from friends at
work I begin to realize how crazy he really was....
After he moved out, he would call me every day at
first it was to see how I was doing then I told him to stop calling me
because he was making it hard for me to move on. I thought it was only
fair for him to let me go since I let him go. Well he decided that he
wanted to move back into the condo and that he wanted me to move out. I
didnt think so, I paid the rent and I wasnt going anywhere. Well I had
some friends move in with me. Her, her husband, and 3 kids. They needed
a place to stay and I needed a room-mate. Well that pissed him off even
more. Well he kept calling and then he started calling and making
threats about that he was gonna come and throw me over the balcony or
down the stairs if I didnt move out. The verbal lease was in his name
but me and him had a verbal agreement and he was trying to go back on
it. Well one day he called my job saying I had a family emergency, I
have no family in Alabama so I thought it was my roomates. Turned out
it was him. I asked him to quit calling my job. Well that night I went
to work and when I got back home I had found out he had done called
about 30 times that day looking for me. He had been told what time I
was gonna be home but he kept on. Well he called after I got home and I
tried to talk to him but he kept being a really big jerk. So I hung up
on him, he called back and threatened to come up there with a gun and
shoot me and the kids and that he was gonna be there around 8pm. That
made me really mad. That did it for me. I was tired of the abuse, the
threats, and everything with him period. Well that was about 7pm so I
called 911 and told them cause I was scared for the kids mainly. Well
they came and did a report. They watched the condo all night long.
About 10pm he called and I told him I called the cops on him. Then he
tried flipping it on me saying I was calling him and harassing him and
stuff and that I better call the cops and tell them to call off the
report or he was gonna slash my tires and a whole bunch of other crap.
I took him very seriously because he's threatened and tryed to kill me
before. One incident he picked me up by the neck and threw me against
the wall and would not stop choking me.
Well the day after I called the cops I went to the
magistrate and pressed charges on him. They told me if they caught him
that they were going to let him bond out. He has like 2 warrants out on
him plus so much other stuff that he could be in prison for at least 10
years. Communication Harassment is a felony. They are only charging him
with a misdemeanor which is total bullshit. They told me it might be
best if I leave town for a while until they catch him and he goes to
court or whatever. Well I dont think they will catch him, but he is
going to come looking for me. I know that for a fact. He's out to kill
me. I told them that because he said if I ever make it where he goes to
jail again then it will be over for me because he will get me. That
night I left my condo and went to stay with friends cause I didnt want
him by chance showing up there although they were watching it. That all
happened on a wed-thurs. Monday I decided I was coming back home so
tuesday I came back to the bastrop area. Well Jones, but it's not that
far from bastrop. I love being back near my family but I loved the
independence I had and the enviroment I was in. I felt totally at home
in Alabama. I dont even feel safe here though. He knows where both my
parents live. I was gonna go to my friends in Florida but he called her
and told her to tell me that if i came there he was gonna kill me, her,
and her year old baby. He's cold and heartless. My mom has a few
guns here loaded waiting on him to show up. I cant sleep good at ngiht
because I have nightmares that he's in the house and trying to kill me.
I feel like he's constantly watching me waiting on the perfect time to
kill me. I am so tired of being scared.
Dustin and I started talking again and it made me
really happy because he was my boyfriend when i was like 15-16. He
changed my world and I never stopped loving him like that. He asked me
out again even though he's in Kentucky but I said yea because I cant
deny how I still feel about him, even though I really didnt want to get
back in another relationship anytime soon...something kept telling me
maybe this is the right thing. I dont even think he told his family
that we're dating again. He's been trying to helpme through this the
best way he can, but its hard for him to. He wants to kill DJ himself.
Alot of people do. Dustin was suppose to come home for thanksgiving and
he was going to go camping with me and my family for a night or so and
I was hoping that being around him would help me with my nightmares and
maybe relax me some. But he's not coming afterall due to work.
Everytime we break up, we move on and then we go right back to each
other again it has happened so many times. Theres so much stuff that
leads to maybe we should be together, but we dont think its fate just a
coincidence. Hopefully this will be a good break for me.
I know that nobody read that entire thing. But it felt so good to get my feelings out.
I'll try to be more faithful in writing in here more often.
Shannon Nicole
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| hey everyone, sorry i havent let ya'll know how ive been. im movin from alabama to florida. prolly this weekend. i have a friend over there named ashlea that james, brandon, and dustin should remember. well we're getting an apartment and her and her baby will come live with us. it should be fun. i havent seen her in 5-6 years but we've kept in touch the whole time. i got fired the other day and it really made me mad. ive never gotten fired before. oh well better places and higher paying jobs need me more than they do and i can do so much better for a job than that anyways. i hate working at gas stations. well i hope everyone there is ok. i wish ya'll would send me some messages letting me know how ya'll are but i know hardely any of ya'll ever read my blogs so yea. ya'll suck. well i miss everyone. | | |
| Ok wow its freezin in here. ok thats not what i was gonna say. sorry about my little tantrum that i had on the last entry. I was angry. And now I feel sorta bad. My grandfather went to doctor today and he has to go to alexandria in the mornin. His legs are badly swollen, red, and they have blisters on them. too much water buildup and salt or something the doctor said. hes gonna be ok but i still feel a little bad.
Things have been ok with me. really stressed out and stuff. But God is with me so I know everything will be ok. | | |
| Does anyone miss me?
Tomorrow im goin to go apply at this real estate place for an apartment. They have apartments well like studio things for like 350/month plus 200 down. it isnt too bad. I make around 600 a month and if i try to work overtime then i can get it. My grandfather kicked dj out then called my mom and told her a bunch of crap that wasnt true and it seriously made me mad. The bipolar crap kicked in. honestly i wanted to kill him. if me and dj split up because of things hes doin i will never talk to him again. I know thats wrong and yea i will forgive him eventually. but i think its just best for us to get out and go on our own like we want and we dont have to worry about takin crap from anyone. Now my mom is disappointed in me but when has that been anything new. Honestly dj has been one of the best bfs i have ever had. He treats me great he encourages me. He really does love me. and i love him. I fell in love with him the first day i met him. everyone that doesnt like me and dj together and thinks hes an asshole which he really isnt they can just get over it. my grandfather dont like him because dj keeps to himself he dont talk to him or anything so he thinks hes an ass. man screw this....im too upset for this crap....have a nice life | | |
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